Zorch Joins The US Army is an official episode made by Cartoon Network, Sega, Nintendo, Nickelodeon, Nick Jr, Disney, Disney Junior, Sprout, PBS Kids, and Video Brinquedo. Hyperealistic Gaben was too lazy to make a seperate page for the transcript.
Zorch joins the US army to hunt down Mr. Fredricksen's house with a missile.
After Zorch is offered prune juice by Mr. Fredricksen, he leaves the Infernites and goes off to join the US army. He heads over to Fort Bragg, where the Grumpy Old Troll plans to give him a riddle. Zorch refuses to answer whatever the riddle is, so the Troll threatens to have the Teletubbies attack him. So, he visits the US army, who is marching while singing the Elmo's World theme song. He makes fun of them for that, so they force Zorch to get out of the army. They start shooting, and end up accidentally blowing up Mr. Fredricksen's house, which was Zorch's original plan.
TO BE CONTINUED
- [Mixels logo appears, and is shot by a missle which causes an explosion and disappears]
- Zorch: What a nice day to enjoy these nice Cookironis!
- Mr. Fredricksen: [Mr. Fredricksen's house lands while Mr. Fredricksen comes out of the door to deliver some prune juice] (Knocks) Hey there son, want some prune juice? [Zorch stays idle with a scared expression] (Slams the door) Kids these days...
- Zorch: (Gasps) Oh no, there's a crazy old guy violating the US law non-stop!
- Flain: Dude, there is a retirement in the deep depths of earth. By the way, prune juice is awesome!
- Vulk: Yeah...
- Zorch: But... IT MAKES YOU LOOK OLD. I'm gonna exit this place and find an army.
- Flain: But Zo- (Zorch slams the door) Nevermind...
- [The episode appears in Fort Bragg]
- Zorch: Hey, is there a place where I could join this base?
- Grumpy Old Troll: (singing) I'M THE GRUMPY OLD TROLL, WHO LIVES UNDER THE BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDGE... HEY! I'M THE GRUMPY OLD TROLL... WHO LIVES UNDER THE BRIDGE... IF YOU WANNA COME OVER, ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS THIIIIIIS, ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS THIS... Solve my riddle!
- Zorch: A riddle? Hah! That's something that only a pipsqueak would do!
- Grumpy Old Troll: Oh yeah? You know what? I'm going to jump down into this cliff that leads to the very deep hell, and tell the Teletubbies to eat your soul's soul. What else do wanna refuse?
- Zorch: Who cares! (Pushes the Grumpy Old Troll out of his way)
- Grumpy Old Troll: He should've listened... (Jumps into the cliff)
- [The episode cuts to a scene where the US army is seen marching, and singing.)
- US Army: (Elmo's World theme song plays with a drum playing instead of a kazoo and other instruments used) LA LA, LA LA, LA LA, LA LA... ELMO'S WORLD. LA LA, LA LA, LA LA, LA LA, ELMO'S WOOORLD. ELMO LOVES HIS GOLD... FISH... HIS CRAYON TOO... (Army is seen walking away from the screen in the scene) THAT'S... (An image of elmo with a fiery background slowly appears in front of the screen) ELMO'S WORLD.
- Zorch: You guys are babies.
- US Army: THAT SONG WAS 20 YEARS OLD. IT MEANS SHREK TO US.
- Zorch: K, Ogreman.
- Army Dude: THAT'S IT! GET OUT OF THE ARMY! (Mr. Fredricksen's house kills Army Dude)
- Mr. Fredricksen: SO LONG BOYS! (Grabs a machine gun that shoots walking sticks)
- US Army: (Starts shooting pizza)
- Mr. Fredricksen: KIDS THESE DAYS DON'T DESERVE STUFF LIKE THIS! (Spills a bucket of prune juice)
- Another Army Dude: (Starts melting) LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING! OH MY WORD MY WORD
- Mr. Fredricksen: That was sa- (Gets hit by a missile and his house explodes)
- US Army: (Starts dancing)
- Zorch: TIME TO SEND IT ON FIRE! (Burns blown up house)
- Ghost Fredricksen: Look at what you've done.
- Zorch: Idk
- Grumpy Old Troll: There's something ELSE you should look at.
- Zorch: I still dk
- [The Teletubbies appear and shoots Army Dudes with their laser eyes]
- Grumpy Old Troll: Teletubbies... Say hello.
- Teletubbies: Eh-oh!
- Grumpy Old Troll: Now say bye-bye...
- [The sky turns red while a storm appears. The Teletubbies are charging a mega laser at the US Army and Zorch]
- Zorch: See ya later... TUBBIES! (Runs away)
- [Zorch is disrupted by a windmill, which disrupts the Teletubbies, too. the windmill uses it's magic to summon an evil figure.]
- Stephen Hawking: Who is responsible for this mess.
- US Army: (Points at Zorch)
- Zorch: Liar liar pants on fire...
- [Everybody except for Stephen Hawking starts arguing, which creates a violent fight.]
- Stephen Hawking: Silence. (Everybody stops fighting)
- [Everybody looks at Stephen Hawking, but continues to fight with eachother.]
- Stephen Hawking: I guess this means...
- [Everybody runs away from the wrath of Stephen Hawking, as Stephen Hawking transforms into Dark Stephen Hawking.]
- Dark Stephen Hawking: FACE MY WRATH, HA. HA. HA.
- US Army: ATAAAAAACK! (Starts running)
- Zorch: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! (Runs ahead of the US Army, covering them in a cloud of smoke)
- Evil Stephen Hawking: Did you know that there is a universe where you die. And that universe is this one. (Shoots a giant laser that kills the entire US Army except for Zorch)
- [The episode cuts to a scene where Dark Stephen Hawking is trying to kill Zorch on a road, but Zorch keeps on dodging his attacks.]
- Dark Stephen Hawking: I guess this means that I am useless.
- Zorch: Yep.
- Dark Stephen Hawking: JK. You do know that another balloon house exists, Sonic rip-off. You'll learn. Ha. Ha. Ha. Soon, prune juice will be the #1 product. Spongebob will get can- (Gets crushed by the flying house in What's Up)
- Zorch: LOLWUT
- [The screen fades to black while playing creepy music with the captions: "Zorch and the surviving troops will have to go to Mount Cute & Fluffy to boil an egg. To be continued in a theatre near you."]
- The US Army dancing may be funny.
- The US Army dancing might be a reference to Warfare Puppetry, a line of dancing soldier dolls from the early 2000's (most of whom which were terrorists.)
- Prune juice is the best way to cleanse the colon and prevent colon cancer.
- If you like Prune Juice, you are EVIL.
- A sequel will be seen on the big screen, entitled: "Zorch Joins The US Army 2: Killing Two Houses With One Egg".
- The sequel's name is based off of the term: "Killing Two Birds With One Stone".